Beautiful Insanity
by Jade letters
Summary: Kanda never thought things would happen this way. He never thought that things would end this way. But fate never was one to follow expectations. Oneshot. Maybe Twoshot. Maybe.


**Disclaimer: The world would be a much happier place if I owned DGM. For me at least.**

***This just came to me when I was bored. I have no idea why. It is compliant with the rest of the series so far. This is just a twisted sad version of how everything might happen that I have in my mind. This has no bearing on anything else, and probably won't actually happen. OH. And I totally ship Yullen. That will be in this. You have been warned.***

****To those of you who read my fic ****Born of Ice and Legends, ****I apologize. I hate the chapter I am writing and find myself somewhat unable to finish it. But don't worry. I am determined. I even have what is going to happen outlined. I just have to write it out. I am optimistic that I will have it up by the end of the weekend. Hopefully. Enjoy!****

**P.S: All of my stories are Betaless. If you would like to offer to be my Beta, it would be much appreciated. Ta for now!**

**-_;p -o- q;_-**

He lost his mind. That was the only way to describe it. He lost himself in the swirling depths of the insanity that, a few months ago, he hadn't even know were there. But he knew now. Oh how well he knew. He knew that, behind the walls of happiness and careless love, there was always madness. He didn't know how he missed it. He must just be an idiot. Or maybe not. Maybe no one would have noticed it. He supposed it was just a matter of opinion. Allen wasn't sure what his was anymore.

-_;p -o- q;_-

He didn't understand why. Why it had to be this way. Why everything in his Goddamned life had to go so wrong. He had someone once. He thought he killed them. Then he got them back. Only to have them try to kill him. And then, when he finally came to his senses and told him he loved him, the idiot just had to go and die.

He wasn't sure how it happened. At first, it was just gratitude. Gratitude for saving his life. For helping him move past something that had haunted him for most of said life. Then, it started progressing. He started realizing that the stupid Moyashi was a genuinely nice person. He stopped being annoyed at the fact that he smiled so Goddamned much and let himself start to _**care**_. He let the white haired boy into his heart and he couldn't find an ounce of regret in himself when he thought of that fact. He was _**glad**_ that he let the Moyashi in. Then it started going further. And soft smiles turned into long looks. Looks that he found himself pulling away from and wondering, just for a second, why just a sight of the Moyashi made him feel so strange. He didn't know what that feeling was. At the time.

He never loved Alma. Not that way. Sure, he loved him as a friend. The first friend, and for a time ,only, he'd ever had. He had loved him like a brother. Yes. But never had he wanted to kiss him. Never had he wanted to press him up against the wall and press his lips to his and tell him that he loved him. Not like he wanted to do with the Moyashi. He knew what that feeling meant. He just chose to ignore it. But when he slipped and called him Allen instead of Moyashi, he knew there was no going back. He was in love with Allen Walker and there was nothing he could do about it.

So burning looks cast when no one noticed stayed just that. Looks. And cravings to feel those lips pressed against his own, and his fingers tangled in that white hair, never went past cravings. Nothing was ever acted on.

Until that one day when, breath coming in short gasps, they had been acted upon. The Moyashi had walked into his room at the hotel they were staying at, away from the order, and he had squeaked, muttering apologies. The newly made general had stalked forward and shoved the door closed, pushing the stuttering boy up against it, and shoved his lips against the boys. Allen had stilled. And slowly, slowly, he had returned the kiss. Molding his lips to the older boys and he was sure he had never felt anything as wonderful as being pressed against the white haired boy.

And in the weeks following, he had never been happier. He had had Allen at his side, and he could ignore the fact that the person he was in love with was on the run from the order. He could ignore that fact that Allen was waking, screaming, from nightmares where he sobbed afterwards about blood and pain and how it was all his fault. He could ignore the fact that it was becoming increasingly common for Allen to wake up with a strange look on his face, his hair just a little bit wavier than it was strictly supposed to be. He could ignore it. So he did.

But now, standing on the field of what would undoubtedly be the last battle of this damned war, he could no longer ignore it. He could no longer ignore the blaring fact that his love had lost his mind. Nea, that Goddamned Noah, had never surfaced. But Allen had gone insane. He had given up his sanity to make sure that the Earl never gained another supporter. Kanda hated him for it.

That wasn't strictly true. He wasn't sure he could ever really hate Allen. But he sure as hell wasn't going to let this slide. He had lost too much in this God awful life. He wasn't loosing Allen too. But as Allen ran forward, a strange glint in his eye, Kanda wasn't sure what he could do to stop it. He felt so useless. He HATED feeling that way.

But then Allen let his sword be absorbed back into his body, returning his left arm to its normal form. And he plunged his hand into the Earl's chest. Someone screamed.

A beautiful melody started playing. Swirling through the air. A glow emanated from Allen's body and Kanda watched, shocked, as boundless power flowed from the boy. The light condensed and Kanda felt his innocence pulse, flooding him with a feeling of warmth and power. And Kanda knew that Allen, the host of a Noah and the most Goddamned selfless person he had ever known, possessed the Heart of Innocence. He was thrown back the white light started swirling around Allen and the Earl, who still hadn't moved from their positions. The music reached a climax, and with a deafening boom, the Earl started breaking apart. Cracking and flaking. Until there only stood Allen, had outstretched, still as a statue. And as the power died down, swirling back into Allen, Kanda's precious Moyashi swayed. And the second the last of the light seeped into him, Allen collapsed.

For a moment, nothing happened. All was silent. No one moved. Then Lenalee started crying. She stumbled towards Allen a step, letting out a strangled cry of his name. And then Kanda was running. And Goddamnit, he was going to kill the stupid Moyashi if he was dead.

-_;p –o- q;_-

There were still Akuma. More than any of them had ever imagined. And some of the Noah still lived. Creating Akuma and spreading despair around the world. But that didn't really matter. The Earl was dead. The Millennium Earl was dead and it was all because of Allen Walker.

And as Kanda stood in front of a coffin, he couldn't decide whether to be angry or sad, or maybe even happy. He wasn't sure what to do. He had lost the one person that really meant anything to him anymore. He still wasn't sure he had completely accepted it. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. Allen always seemed to do this to him. Make him uncertain. It was the same way when he was alive. He wanted nothing more than to hold his Moyashi in his arms again. To feel his warmth and to know that he was there. He was pretty sure he would have followed Allen into death. If that was possible. However, it wasn't. He was stuck in this world, with only four petals missing from that damned flower. He couldn't die. He was stuck here. Without the one thing that had actually made him happy. He didn't know what to do anymore.

But, he supposed that that was just what Allen did. He made impossible things happen. He made his cold heart feel again. He was pretty sure it was breaking right now.

"Stupid Moyashi," He whispered to the open gray sky, the color of his eyes, "You better wait for me. I've got nothing better to do."

Kanda looked back down. He turned on his heal and marched away from the coffin on top of the hill. The coffin, swathed in lotus flowers and roses, that contained the body of Allen Walker.

-_;p -o- q;_-

**I think I have gone crazy. I think I really have. That was written in a grand total of one hour. Wow. I don't know what to make of this. It's sad. Kanda seems a bit OOC to me. I don't know. I just wanted to write this. I used, like, no dialogue. Well except the one line at the end. Tell me what you think. I may or may not write another ending. I'm not sure I'm happy with this one. I might just write a different ending a post it with this as a second chapter. It depends. If you guys review me, I will. Oh well. Ta ta. Enjoy.**

**~Jade out. **


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